Not guilty!

He's arrogant, opinionated and seldom bothers with social niceties. He seems to take sadistic pleasure in aggravating his biggest threats and often the most important people in the room. When faced with a lose-lose proposition, he sabotages his side of the equation bad enough to cast suspicion on the integrity of his opposition. He's been referred to as Muhammad Ali who survives more on reputation than skill in the latter half of his career. He's been married five times, the last of which left him when she found him having sex with the caterer, three hours after the ceremony. He's also the founding partner of one of the most successful firms on Fleet Street and has a self-proclaimed win-loss record of 6043-0. His most famous quote consists only of his full name. He is my hero.

The courtroom packed with people seated on wooden benches. The mood, suitably sombre as the two sides present their argument to the twelve individuals saddled with the task of deciding in favour of one of them. The prosecution rests after making an impassioned plea, trying to sew up every loophole. Counsel for the defence starts by raising the not-uncommon arguments about reasonal doubt, then proceeds to unbutton his trousers, unhook his suspenders and moons the jury albeit veiled in white boxers with a giant bullseye as he finishes his point about the concept of CYA (cover your ass).

In his own words..

"Waive reading Judge. And ask that these ridiculous charges be dismissed on the grounds of ridiculousness.''

''Alan, I have trouble with this sort of subject matter...It's my father. Sometimes he wore dresses. He called it a kilt and sang all those Scottish songs, but we knew.''

"Last name: Crane...First name: Denny...Not guilty...over and out!"

Technorati Tags: quote, Boston Legal

Anatomy of a kickoff

Engagement kickoff meeting. We'll call the key participants Entity A (hint: starts with a P...ends with an artner) and Entity B (hint: John Grisham). There are others involved, and by relative importance, they will be called non-entities.

Why not just refer to them with their names? Three reasons; Client confidentiality, lest the managers of the 'Unethical use of information for material gain' department of every competing organization to our client is trawling the internet and other dark places to find information that they can use, two; this is only a representation of a gazillion similar meetings occurring all over the world and three; it would make the story less fun to tell.

Prologue
Entities A and B arrive (within 4-5 minutes of each other, about 10 minutes past scheduled time) with non-entities in tow. It is important here to note that the number of non-entities could vary depending on the scope of the engagement. First few minutes are spent on one or more of the following: traffic (how they started from home/office at daybreak), weather (in proportion to how much rain there has been), work (making sure that no actual details are mentioned). Smiles and nods all around from the non-entities. One of the non-entities (usually the newest) has twiddled with the focus and sundry knobs on the projector to maximize graphic impact. (it’s a mechanism to soothe his frayed nerves not unlike when FBI agents, when in a potentially volatile situation, finger their coat buttons except they're doing it to gain ready access to the .45 in their hip holster).

The meeting
The assortment of boxes, arrows, pyramids et al start their procession on screen as entity A waxes eloquent. The typical exchange goes along the lines of:

Entity A: I have been involved with 117 similar engagements and I'll be closely monitoring every stage of the project (I'll insist that every deliverable is sent to me atleast 2 hours before it is due none of which I'll see coz my blackberry can not open attachments). Our approach combines the collective wisdom of three generations (of fruit flies) with the essence of all the information there is in the world that will be superimposed with our patented frameworks (that table in the Economist on the page I used to mop up my spilt coffee this morning looked good).
Entity B: Being a very a result-oriented CEO, I'd like to see atleast five generations and that other generation born after specialized in-breeding in the north of the Andes (read about it that morning in a google news sidebar...others read too you smug bastard)
Entity A: Not a problem, Only yesterday, I lunched with the senior scientist who supervised that particular generation (glanced and nodded briefly in a buffet line at a symposium on dog allergies when I bumped into him causing the elbow of his jacket to dip into my paneer makhani).
…67 slides later…
Entity A:...in summary, it would be safe to say that implementing our solution will increase topline by 467% and deliver you to the land of milk, honey and playmates (potentially if all planets line up just right, if elvis comes back and if other less likelier things happen, you might get more than just carpal tunnel from signing our invoices)
Entity B: 467% in topline growth sounds about right but we would also reduce the need for capital expenditure completely while achieving a 97% decrease in operating costs and as a natural extension of that exercise, ensure that someone walks my dogs - twice a day.

Sharp intake of breath from the non-entities but the sound is drowned by that of furious scribbling

Epilogue
Pleasantries exchanged as the group files out of the room…Entity A turns to the biggest non-entity and says with a smile "Don't worry, I'll ensure there is no scope creep...you only have to walk his dog once a day..also, don’t bother copying me on the emails henceforth, just contact my secretary to schedule for the final presentation”

Technorati Tags: blah, consulting, work

sweet spot

"There is a point in time when you and you only know - the rest know it a second later - and it's the best feeling as a batsman." - Adam Gilchrist (on hitting a six)

I can't recall any other comment, spoken or written, that captures, so beautifully, the essence of batting. Commentators talk about the sweet sound that a well-timed shot makes, but that is only a fraction of the story. Get it wrong and the ball dribbles half-heartedly to the inner circle, the impact sending a shudder up the spine of the bat that travels through your arms. What its all about is the way it feels to make contact with the bat flowing through its arc, the combination of the point of contact on the bat, the bat-speed at that point in the arc, the flexion of the wrists that adds thunderous power to send the ball rocketing, either in a lazy arc or burning a trail along the grass to the long off fence...Perfection

Technorati Tags: sports

Terima Kasih

In the days of yore (never knew when or what yore was), hunters and trackers could tell their exact location based on the lay of the land, colour of the soil and vegetation. I figured I'd perfected my own method (besides of course knowing where the hell I was going in the first place).

The theory (Before): Its based on my first interaction with a local official. A combination of the accent and politeness quotient. The former would indicate which side of the equator and continent you're on, the latter, how developed the country you're in. Given my only excursions before last week were to the US and Australia (for current purposes, stopovers in Zurich, Frankfurt and London should count). Its only logical that the difference across nations in per capita income and the associated disparity, population density, financial stability will manifest itself noticably.

That had to explain the condescendingly bored tone of the official at the Chatrapati Shivaji International Airport (Mumbai) that made clear his absolute control over every individual leaving the country's shores or the salivating expressions on the faces of those stationed at baggage carousels to 'help' passengers, who sidle up going "psst...need help with getting through customs?" Also the contrasting smiley "Good Morning Sir" at the local SSN office in small-city, USA.

That theory however died quietly in a nation not unlike ours in two key aspects; population density and disparity in economic development. Every interaction -polite and respectful. The traffic, as dense as Mumbai in peak hour, and yet, orderly and minus the honking. The excellent infrastructure makes you wonder why Mumbai's arterial roads are still 2-laned dribbles clogged worse than Elvis's must've been when he croaked. That said, judging by NCR, four lanes are not an automatic cure for boorishness.

The theory (After): It has now been whittled to saying that if the official is polite and shows a smidgeon of pride in his work, you can't tell where you are, but one place you're definitely not is India.

p.s: Completely unrelated note, the food in that part of the world is amazingly diverse. My list of meals experiences include padang (indonesian), sushi & teppanyakki (japanese), kimchi (korean), mexican, indo-indonesian-chinese (at a restaurant called Queens!) interspersed with Krispy Kremes and Starbucks. My abs hurt from the crunches. Guilt can be an amazing motivator.

Oh, and the title means Thank You in bahasa indonesia, not the swear word you were thinking

Technorati Tags: blah, life, vacation, indonesia

Necessity: the motherhood of apple pie!

Its that time again. to put together all that you will need for a defined period of time into a rigid plastic receptacle. For someone who relies on striding out of the shower rifling through my wardrobe to follow a regimented process:
step 1: pick up item
step 2: sniff for pervasive body odours. if none proceed to next step, else glumly put item in laundry basket and go to step 1
step 3: examine for all-too-evident creasing. if not visible from more than 5 feet, proceed, else go to step 1

its anathema to think of the things I'll need for a week in advance! Packing! The prime example of the failure of the phrase "necessity is the mother of invention". Else, how does one explain the non-existence of the following:

1. Wrinkle-free & perspiration-repellant clothing: The former does supposedly exist and the marketing claims are true too, as long as once you put them on, you believe that your back is made of brittle graphite and you do not test the flexion of your joints (namely; knees and elbows). The latter, well, would reduce the need for all those changes of clothes, so you could saunter into an airport with maybe a gym-bag worth of underwear changes (if you're particularly fussy).
2. Multi-purpose shoes: Blame it on the capitalist mindset to have everyone own multiple pairs of shoes; by that I don't even mean the two cabinets worth (and then some) that S owns but the need for formal - black/brown, sneakers, sandals etc. Why not one pair that can change colour between black and brown and is supple and provides enough support to take a pounding on a treadmill? But no, if Reebok's schizophrenia-inducing ads are to be believed, there's two people in everyone. fair enough i say, but why cant both wear the same pair!
3. Dress codes not bordering on sadomasochism: It was one thing when the stuffy old coots in good ol' england dressed in their frock coats, stiff collars, suspenders and went "Jolly good I say!" They had there bonded labour aka butler in the form of Jeeves or Threepwood or what you have you to track down and launder every item of clothing. Why didn't one of these stiffs realise that as you moved closer to the equator, you needed fewer layers and less of your body covered? More importantly, why haven't we figured this one out on our own? Imagine going to work in thin spun-cotton tees and shorts/cargos with open-sandals.

I suppose the promise of exotic south-east asian massages does alleviate the suffering to an extent though. Here's to Indonesia; Happy Diwali and all that jazz...

Betrayal

It was a snowbound friday evening in january when we decided that picking a dvd from the vending machine in the lobby and retiring to our temperature-controlled apartment was more desirable than losing an assortment of toes and fingers to frostbite in the 3 block walk that would bring us to our pub. Turned out people other than us had also been thinking along the same sensible lines and the traditional wham-bang-whimper movies were sold out. When someone suggested watching a Friends dvd, I punched some random buttons on the machine out of desperation and out popped this dvd that had 2 asian guys on the cover with a mini-burger in the foreground. The title 'Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle'. The unanimous verdict: Kal Penn's the hollywood counterpart of Sunita Williams (so what if they're both as Indian as German shepherds), and the rest, as they say, is history. Watched it thrice over a 6 month period.

So, imagine when, years later, during the promos, "We shall settle this like our forefathers used to..." says the stylishly coiffed, square-jawed blond ...the confused response from his asian adversary "you will exploit me economically?..." in that unmistakable accent that resembles Abu from Springfield than any visa-toting brown-skin to clear immigration. 'Van Wilder 2 - The rise of Taj'. S and I looked at each other and next weekend was wordlessly pencilled in to watch what, had to be, the best movie in a long time.

There are disappointments and then there are disappointments. Everything from the cast of one-dimensional characters to the so-called story about a bunch of misfits who go from outsiders to champions of the 'house cup' at Camford university. The name given to the university seems far less ridiculous when the dude, Kal Penn, introduces himself as "Taj Mahal Badalandabad". When the horny father encourages his son in "the pursoot of the pink taco", you realise then that the target audience was never beyond expat Indian high-school-goers.

Now I know how those of faith must've felt when it was shattered, how investors of Enron, Worldcom etc must've felt when their 'gilt-edged' investments changed overnight. This was one bad movie choice I couldn't blame on S.

Technorati Tags: blah

Rodin's learnings

One would think that a month's not a long enough time to form insights into the world and its machinations and one would be right. Unless of course one spends a large percentage of his time in that position made famous by Rodin's thinker. I'm sure if one held a magnifying glass to the throne (pun intended) on which the dude sits, they'd see a faint outline that says 'Parryware' or its equivalent in the early 1900s. Mind you, its debatable whether he was contemplating the fate of humanity or suffering from a severe bout of constipation. But there's another way to ponder the deeper meaning, that of sitting in traffic in any one of our megacities. Think about it, both are essential to-dos before the rest of your day can begin and both happen at a measured pace no matter how much you want to hurry, but yeah, only one can realistically result in skid marks. So much for the power to draw pictures with words.

The human brain, pattern recognition and learning are synonymous, right? Not! Any routes that get anywhere in this city go over bridges (not flyovers - which should've been more aptly named crawlovers anyway). These bridges, built about the time we gained independence, were designed by people who did not foresee economic prosperity and carmakers from japan and korea. Hence, two lanes and no dividers. These could be functional enough one might say, but then as a gap appears on one of the lanes, an idiot-cum-laude moves into the opposite lane in an attempt to expedite his journey across the bridge. As soon as this occurs, several like-minded idiots (not conferred the merit because of lack of originality) squeal their tires to form a convoy behind the visionary. Now, since the roads feeding into that opposite lane had only slowed down and not disappeared, no sooner has the convoy passed 3 whole cars, they encounter an unrelenting stream from the opposite direction using, their rightful lane. Result: about thrice the time that would've taken everyone to cross the bridge is spent honking and maneuvering to regain forward motion. It is possible that every such occurrence is caused by a fresh-faced newbie using the city's roads for the first time, its also possible that marion jones actually thought she was consuming ayurvedic cough medicine before winning those medals.

(Good) Bloggers and slackers are the same species. Ok, they're fantastic reads, able to elicit the most un-imaginable insights from seemingly random occurrences and package it all in a manner that has one loudly snorting one's approval. Spew, ttiot, madman are some prime examples. But I couldn't present such controversial hypothesis without evidence that's strong as oak. And thats from observation of the one that calls himself ford prefect and who's called several other colourful things by others. While I can already hear the murmurs of "blaspheme" and "infidel" from various corners of the globe (globes have corners?), my data is irrefutable, given I've been sharing a desk with the bugger for a month now. Ok, so the guy's been on the cusp of a lifechanging event (or so it seems prior), and I certainly wasn't melting my keyboard with the amount of work I was churning out a month in the runup to my nuptials, but then I was doing little else but making trips to stores I only used to snicker at, to pick up outfits I'd only seen in portraits of long-dead Indian royalty. FP however, has been lounging in his seat, typing out his learnings from 'The Book' with the odd glance at an expense statement that needed reimbursing from his vacation...err...assignment in Japan. No hectic last minute invitation card sendouts, no rummagings to find tickets, rather he found time to rehearse for his sangeet with a professional choreographer! I rest my case.

the Klu-Klux Klan and real-estate agents

Event 1a: Jan 22, 1973. The court rules in favour of Ms Roe (real name Norma McCorvey) in Wade v/s Roe

Event 1b: Twenty years later the crime rates in all of the United States plummeted to all time lows.

Steven Levitt (author of Freakonomics) said not only are the two events not unrelated, but that the first caused the second. The reason, the first event legalized abortion in the US.

Event 2a: Year 2007 - India wins the 20-20 world cup

Event 2b: Year 2020 (yes, the year). The venue: Helsinki, Finland. The ICC has progressed in its efforts to globalize the game. (Not much of a risk considering the expat asian population that fills the stadium). The crowd is a sea of the India tricolour and the green and white of Pakistan (The flags are now thin flexible LCDs that can be programmed to display varying flags and insignia. So, the uprooted asian can still be a part of the community and support the local team when their 'birth country' team isn't involved).

The captains face up for the toss (sponsored by Pepsi). The spectators (on the ground and in their homes), watch expectantly as the coin drops with a faint thunk (toss-mike sponsored by Intex) on the grass. The Indian captain wins the toss and elects to bat. The giant screen shows "Uttam Singh - Mirpur", picked by an instant draw who texted in 'India - Bat' using the code on the bottom of his Pepsi can. The prize, Hero Honda's newest 1700 cc bike, 'Manhood'. A commercial plays (on the giant screen and tvs worldwide), the Indian captain zooms up from the depths of a steep ravine, rescuing a ridiculously hot chick, brakes in front of the camera and says "Girls love riding on my manhood".

The teams go back to their dugouts to await the results of the HDFC ek kadam aage process. Fans text in their preferred batting order and the exact match with the order submitted by the captain are deemed winners (who receive bright yellow caps with HDFC on the front). Instant draw picks a mega-winner and hooks him up via webcam showing a picture-in-picture of him explaining his rationale for the batting order.

The batsmen come out onto the ground to the roar of the crowd. The dynamic logos on their shirts and bats swirl and radiate as they approach the wickets. The batsman takes guard and gives the thumbs up to the umpire (on a distant building rooftop in the background, a huge glowing Thums Up ad glows brilliantly for a few seconds). Windscreens slide into place to block the light breeze running across the ground to prevent undue deviation of the ball. During change of overs, they show recorded footage depending on which side is doing worse.

The umpire signals for play to begin. Bowlers no longer exist. The fielding captain presses a button on a device, called the Bowlflex (no sponsors) and the metallic arm delivers short of length, 6" outside off stump, at precisely 84 mph. The device allows captains to impart a degree of swing and vary speeds between 70 mph and 88 mph (for seam up bowling) and (55 - 75 mph for spin bowling) - The speeds were calibrated after analysis over a 3 year period showed that speeds out of this range were not conducive to stroke-making.

As the batsmen launch into their shots, a panel of experts consisting of past Indian captains and one surviving retired fast bowler discuss the Bowlflex settings chosen by the captain. (40% bowlers underwent intensive rehab to retrain as batsmen, the remaining committed suicide). Viewers call in to discuss their strategies with the experts. (only callers subscribing to the new Reliance 'cricket ki lo' plan can avail of this feature)

Shivraj Singh launches another one into the Sahara stand. The crowd roars...

Technorati Tags: blah, sports, world cup

Universal Trust and Equity Inc.

Universal Trust and Equity Inc. <malabophillips@yahoo.co.uk>
reply-to: universaltrustequityinc@yahoo.co.uk

Dear recipient,
I am Mr. Malabo Phillips, the Accountant General of Universal Trust and Equity Inc. We are into Maritime and General Construction Insurance. I got your email address from the Internet and I am counting on your sincerity and integrity.
THE DEAL:-
Engr. Gerald Hudson was my client and a foreign expatriate working for County Construction Company (C.C.C). He lived in Lagos - Nigeria and worked in Ghana, Cameroon, Togo, Republic of Benin and Nigeria as the West African Regional Head of County Construction Company (C.C.C). He has been my client for nineteen years until his death on 10th September 2006. The following equipment were secretly insured with us at Universal Trust and Equity Inc:- Caravans, Fork-Lift trucks, Back hoes, Breakdown Trucks Excavators, Bulldozers, Tractor - Trailors, Vans, Concrete Mixers, Dump Trucks and Flat Beds. Engr. Gerald Hudson and Engr. Alfredo Moore are signatories for County Construction Company. Engr. Gerald is dead and Engr. Alfredo's appointment was terminated 6 months ago for extending his vacation without statutory approval. Presently County Construction Company has a total of US$7,500,000.00 to draw from Universal Trust and Equity Inc., after due process and service charge is paid by County Construction Company.
THE COMMITTMENT:-
All the necessary documents to process the release of the US$7,500,000.00 is on my table. I will be retiring in December 2007 to relocate and join my family in Zambia. I need a credible business man or woman who will assist me execute this deal successfully and you will be adequately compensated. With my recommendation and partnership with you, the funds
will be transferred to your bank account any where in the world. Treat this message confidentially as I appeal for your maximum cooperation. This business is 100% risk free with your involvement. Please your response will be highly appreciated.
Yours faithfully,
Mr. Malabo Phillips

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Malabo

Hope you are keeping well. I do not ordinarily go for get-rich-quick schemes, but the fact that you found my email id on the internet fills me with confidence. It follows from your source that the recipient of an email would be sincere and integral (or better still, a man of integrity).

DEAL:- Please accept my condolences for the death of your long-standing client from the international conglomerate with the modest name of C.C.C. The fact that your client company elevated its engineers to head continental operations shows that meritocracies not only exist, but also flourish. It speaks of his tremendous business acumen to have insured his firms equipment with your firm U.T.E. Here let me congratulate you on choosing a name that would befuddle competitors into thinking that you were in the business of investing into companies than secretly insuring their equipment with their regional heads.

I should now confess that your mention of Engr. Gerald as having being the sole signatory had roused my suspicions about the legitimacy of your deal. It is unfortunate for Engr. Alfredo to have extended his vacation and hence having forfeit, not only his position, but also C.C.C.s claim on the insurance premium paid.

COMMITTMENT:- I can also see the urgency of the matter for you considering a) you are keen to return to your loving family and b) the necessary documents are taking up valuable space on your desk. I consider myself to be a shrewd judge of character and the fact that you are looking for a business person of either sex tells me that you are a fair-minded person with a deep rooted sense of equality. There is hope for this planet yet!

It also bodes well that the funds of CCC can be transferred to any bank in the world (neither of my banks has a branch in Nigeria) and what more assurance can a person get than a "100% risk free with your involvement" from a respected member of the financial services industry.

My bank account details will be sent to your personal mail id only. Please ensure that the details are treated with utmost secrecy. I too shall count on your sincerity and integrity.

yours faithfully,

recipient

p.s : please send me the email id of your secretary so as to plan a farewell party for your impending retirement.

Technorati Tags: blah, email

20-20 'four'sight

Cricket's turned a corner with its latest format involving 20 overs a side and skimpy cheerleaders. While opinions are divided about whether its the saving grace or the death knell for the game, its generally accepted that its likely to have a permanent impact.

The timeline of development of the game over time could be divided into 3 phases:

Phase I - Need for results

The accidental format played to compensate for a test match lost to rain as a way to kill time turned out to be quite an entertainer and addressed a few of the downsides of test match cricket.

• Five days - 15 sessions - 30 hours of cricket
• Preponderance of draws making the game look less competitive than it was
• Emphasis on individual records than team results

Phase II - Packer, floodlit cricket and the tube

It took a while for the limited overs version to emerge from the shadow of real 'test-match' cricket. Games were still played in the template of tests with the result of most games being an after-thought. It took a businessman to take giant strides to unlock the potential of the game and make some key developments.

• Tournaments involving more than 2 countries making results more significant
• Coloured clothing and white balls, even for teams from the subcontinent (pardon the weak pun) made games more viewable for television since video cameras, in those days, weren't good enough to track the red ball

Phase III - Handcuff the bowler

Even the instant version of the game suffered from the drawback of being about twice as long as that most yawn-inducing of sports called baseball. To compensate for the lull periods, a 30-yard circle was drawn, field restrictions were introduced and anything shaving leg-stump was deemed to be a wide.

Recent modifications have added 5 more overs of merry hitting albeit in 3 installments to total 20 overs

But, in spite of all those changes, 100 overs of cricket means periods of consolidation and the price of an entire day for those at the ground.

20-20

This format is pretty much 50-50 cricket, with the 20-40 over stages of each innings carved out. Hence, the biggest positive, for viewers, is the duration that's comparable to a bollywood flick (75 mins/innings + 10 min changeover)

However, in its current format, it suffers from the same ills of predictability, though at a more frenetic pace. Going by past record, the game will have keep getting shortened to eliminate every shot that is not aimed at clearing the boundary.

The problem (that applies to all limited-over formats)

The bowler has been reduced to a non-entity barring the odd burst and fielding captains have nothing to do but damage-control. Every rule and development in the game is heavily loaded in favour of the batsmen, right from the power plays to the bats that clear the boundary even off thick edges, not to mention the rock hard flat pitches.

The solution

Make it an actual contest between bat and ball and not just between 2 batting line-ups. While any measure to curtail batsmen would be as daft as what has been done to bowlers, they could be made to actually earn their runs.

1. Eliminate the french cut : Is there a more frustrating sight than to see a bowler do everything right to beat the batsman only to find the ball take the edge (inside or outside) and run away to the boundary? Sure, it was fun when the batsman was Utthappa and the bowler was Anderson, but it does not make sense to penalize the bowler for beating the bat! The area between fine leg and thirdman should be a 'No run' zone. This won't eliminate too many actual shots, maybe a few dinky reverse sweeps
2. Scoring zones decided by the fielding captain : Certain areas in the field could be deemed to offer bonus runs for 5 over periods. This would mean the fielding captain would look at his bowlers and decide where would it be most difficult for a batsman to hit it? e.g The area between deep extra cover and long off could be the zone for a 5-over period and the batsman could get 1.5 times the runs for every boundary hit through there (so no mistimed agricultural hoicks but actual middle of the bat shots)
3. Rolling substitutions : Allow batsmen to be replaced if the batting captain feels he has a better batsman for a particular kind of bowler. This means, that both captains have the opportunity to pit their best against those of the opposition.

All said it will take more than just reducing the duration of the game to make it as viewable as most other sports.

Technorati Tags: sports, world cup, opinion

bear wisdom

"The third-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the majority. The second-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking with the minority. The first-rate mind is only happy when it is thinking." - A.A. Milne (author - Winnie the Pooh)

Outfielded

When we win:
Batting: Powerful line up, vast experience, inimitable skill, explosive lower order
Bowling: Skillful swing bowlers, exploited conditions beautifully
Fielding: Competent and reliable while not spectacular

When they lose:
Batting: Top order well past their prime, bad runners between the wickets
Bowling: Lackluster and pedestrian
Fielding: Weak arms, too many slow movers, butterfingers

This is not really a piece in staunch defense of the men in blue but a study in the yo-yo effect the Indian team's performance has on the the analytical abilities of the revered ex-cricketers with microphones. I've always had my indifferent reservations about the validity of comments made by Sunil Gavaskar and Ravi Shastri as opposed to the likes of Richie Benaud or Ian Chappell. To me, it has always sounded like the former pair only stated, repeated and belabored the obvious.

Example:
fast-medium bowler overpitches and gets driven through the covers for four

RS/SG: "Oh thats a glorious shot, beautifully driven trough the covers for four. The fielder had no chance....He's (the batsman) looking to be aggressive here...and thats a good thing"

RB/IC: "It doesn't matter how much the pitch is seaming if you bowl that length...got the treatment it deserved...lots of gaps in the field and thats four..."

The none-too-subtle difference in the two where our home-grown stalwarts play to the gallery (thats in delirious raptures), to heap praise on what is actually a bowler error to present a delivery that an arthritic 60 year old with a cane could hit.

Considering the almost godly soothsayer reputations that these two enjoy, no wonder that every observer uses their catch-phrases as their sounding board. I'm going to stick my neck out on how two particular cases where they've made shallow assessments

Case #1 - The 'Mahi' way
Last year, when Dhoni was pounding attacks in India, piling one destructive knock on the other, he was power (the agricultural swings) and style (the brylcreemed hair) combined - an advertisers dream and our answer to Gilchrist (to me its traumatic to even put the names in the same sentence). Messrs RS and SG also announced him as such, proclaiming him as "jjjust what India needed". I didn't get it. All I saw was a strong dude with a front foot and huge axe swings. Flintoff and co. have reduced him to awkwardly fending off the backfoot spooning catches within the circle. The dude's got a good attitude though, so, am guessing he'll work on his game before Australia.

Case #2 - 11 Yuvrajs in the field would eliminate India's fielding woes
As per RS/SG, the weak links in India's fielding are Ganguly, Munaf, Powar and RP Singh and that Dravid screws up by not having them inside the ring and placing Yuvraj on the boundary. Sure, those names might be examples of the 'anti-Rhodes' (something like how the devil is the anti-christ, or isn't he?), some basics that the experts seem to've ignored. Good fielding consists of 2 things, both equally important a) stopping the ball and b) getting it back to stumps in the shortest possible time. The best fielders, think Ponting and Collingwood, rarely dive! Because they're quick enough to get to the ball. Observe how Y Singh can't seem to stop anything without ending up sliding along the ground, compare that to the English captain. Secondly, Ponting and co always (read always) come up with the ball in their dominant hand and fire in the throw (which hits the stumps more often than not). Y Singh parries the ball much like a goalkeeper, so the batsmen end up getting the single anyway. Runs saved? Zero. The fact that he lets loose a vicious throw (which never hits) even if the batsman is past the crease and about to the face the next ball is an aside and just an irritating Indian habit.

Bottomline, we have no exceptional fielders, barring Agarkar, who , I think is the best Indian outfielder of all time (sounds surprising doesn't it, considering the firm of RS/SG haven't said so!). But a disregard for fielding as a discipline at the grassroots is what results in the likes of Munaf wandering cluelessly about the outfield and the team being embarrassed time and time again.

England, the team that traditionally made us look good in the shorter version, just upped the ante. A 5-2 English win would help Indian cricket more than a 4-3 Indian win. Time to wake up and smell the grass-stained trousers.

deltoids: deploy

Set piece: A somber room, in twilight glow, save for the center, which is brightly lit with a battery of powerful lights focusing directly beneath them. And there, you lie, anesthetized by the sleep-inducing chemicals entering your blood stream. Blissfully unaware of the millions of nerve endings screaming to those parts of your brain that can decipher the well-being of the body it resides in, that all's not well. The individuals grouped around you have to make the decision as to whether the mass of sinew, bone and blood vessels that form your left arm (A) should be salvaged or (B) has to be amputated. The last thing you did before going under was to pick the team that huddles around you...

Team #1: A handpicked team comprising of a couple of orthopaedic specialists, vascular surgeon, a neurosurgeon, a seasoned anesthetist, with the requisite support staff

Team #2 : A team put together by making random sweeps of different areas of the city, taking care to represent all sections of society, professions, races, religions and so on and so forth

Now, what if you didn't have that choice? That the decision was based on the following reasoning:

• You are a successful white-collar professional who makes several multiples of your country's per capita, hell, maybe even more than that of the most developed countries in the world
• Yours is not a physical profession (e.g construction labor) plus you're right-handed, so its not your dominant arm anyway
• (A) (refer above) means you recover in 10 weeks and go back to your life, possibly rejuvenated and be more successful than ever
• (B)  would mean you would require a prosthetic which means a chance for the company that manufactures those to stay afloat, also for the farmers who supply the raw materials to avoid penury

Fiction, all of it, macabre albeit.

But then how is it, that when it comes to making decisions that sculpt laws, policies that govern intakes into institutions of learning, zoning regulations that determine setting up of commercial hubs, financial policy that oversees utilization of gargantuan amounts of money are based on the overarching principle of "Majority Wins!"? that saffron-painted thugs can go burning vehicles and demolishing property in the name of the 'common good'? Is the democratic way really about doing what's best or is it the blunt instrument of the teeming worthless hordes? Maybe its time for a rethink?

Technorati Tags: blah, life, opinion, rant

gamesmanship and happy returns

"I drive a porsche...what car do you drive?" <drumrolls...thunderclaps...sharp intakes of breath even!> How could he?! The horror of it all!!! ummm....what? Apparently this l'il line picked up by the stump microphone during he 2nd test at trent bridge is the subject of much teeth gnashing. The reason? It was said in a clipped brit accent to one of India's batsmen. As per Simon Barnes from The Times, this indicated the nadir of sportsmanship on the cricket field. He reckons "the combination of vulgarity and insensitivity is mind numbing"  because "is it a suitable remark to make to a man from a Third World nation who is a guest in your country?" He even goes on to call that hallmark of german engineering a "penis substitute"! 

In the process of getting his knickers in a twist, he seems to've forgotten that put together the match fees, board contract and the endorsement deals, the batsman in question would be making roughly about 5-10 times his english counterpart. More importantly, this insult would rank so low in the context of the typical sporting encounter, I think its entirely probable that the bloke was actually considering buying a Tata Indica and hence was comparing notes on mileage and maintenance. I guess when you make your living as a writer, you have to keep you 'molehill locator' on high alert all the time.

Broadcasters have taken to recording snippets of players introducing themselves rather than showing a graphic on screen. So, you have "Ian Bell...age 25...right hand bat" The 1st and 3rd bits of information, I have no problem with...I mean...wouldn't look good to announce someone else's name or to mislead ppl into thinking you're a left-arm chinaman bowler when you're not. Its that middle bit...I'd spent most of my cricket-watching 'career' seeing young 'uns my age play the sport...not any more seemingly...l'il squirts...all born y'day...or the day before...who the hell allowed them onto the ground...oh ok..i'll admit..am a year older...grrr...

Technorati Tags: life, blah, rant, sports

of frameworks and matrices

Unlimited expense accounts, first-class travel, 7-star accommodation, fortune 500 CEOs eating out of the palm of your hand...those are the images associated with the most sought after profession on any B-school campus. No wonder that most other career choices pale in comparison. Combine that with the exalted Day-Zero status...and you have a heady mix. Nay...this is not a rant against management consulting or even against the <insert day 0 firm here> of the world, but a different perspective...from that of a management consultant with a firm, the mention of which causes the listener's eyes to narrow as they do a mental search to make some kind of connection by way of reference but fail. Given the number of 'day in the life of' sessions conducted by the usual suspects and the fact that these guys are also the most articulate you're likely to ever come across, it'd be an achievement for any B-school grad to not know everything that happens between the moment the sharply dressed MC shrugs on his Savile Row jacket to the power handshake with the client CEO as he and his team marvel at the slick 'deck' you just presented.

So, what's the same profession like when shorn of its splendour? When you're rooming at hotel Staywell instead of 'The Oberoi'...ok I made the hotel up but you get the idea, when you have to convince your client that flying budget is just not the way to go and when you gotta stand in line to get into a beatup ol' black-and-yellow to get home after disembarking from that hard-earned 'full-service' flight?

Do-it-yourself : Small clients => smaller budgets => (much) lower billing rates => smaller teams. So, a lot of grunt work that might otherwise have been smoothly delegated to that lower life-form know as analysts, you do yourself. This includes calling your respondent group to setup appointments to preparing that industry pack for the first internal brainstorm session with your principal.

Primary Research travails : small firm => lean staffing => lots of pillar-to-post. When one of the 'key value propositions' of the firm is in-depth supplier/buyer behaviour by doing in-person research, means umpteen 1-2 day trips to random-ass cities with meetings lined up (by you). Am only guessing here, but an MC from a top-tier firm could possibly get away with a 'robust methodology' applied to a 'dipstick' survey

Unassigned? what's that? : You've huffed and puffed to send the report to the clients post the final meeting...with all those extras the client wanted (some that your client couldn't care less for but your boss wanted)..including that sensitivity analysis on the financial projections that took into account armageddon. You hit send and even before the length of your back comes in contact with the backrest of your chair, a principal strolls in saying "you're done with engagement xyz, right"...rhetorical question really...and you're off...to the kick-off meeting for the next project. And then your buddy from <insert day 0 firm here> calls and says how he's been home for the past week coz he's unassigned...you start fantasizing about that last scenario you modeled

High-profile PIA (pain-in-the-ass): When a habitual consumer of MC services (read any multinational or Indian company featuring on any forbes list), all hell breaks loose. The story usually is that the company isn't chuffed about their last encounter with <insert day 0 firm here> and hence is looking to 'de-risk'. What it actually means is to have your happiness sucked out of you for the duration of the engagement....with review meetings aplenty, you work and rework your deck till the project folder has more versions than windows has bug-fixes

But all said, you're still looking to answer questions that someone who runs a business has asked...and to see even a portion of your recommendations implemented is the high that makes most of the above worth it... of course, that doesn't mean I have anything against travelling first class :)

Technorati tags: work, consulting

whoosh...

It was a little over 3 years ago I think, that I got my first and only taste of live formula 1 racing. As the 4 cars in the contest pointlessly screamed around the track, I remember trying to capture a few shots on my camera. Graduating from black rubber-streaked tarmac as the fruit of my labour (in the initial laps) to a blur of red/white toward the end, not a single picture could do justice to the hunks of metal blowing past. And its been that way everytime (which is not many) I've managed to think of this blog in these past nearly 4 months, what post could begin to cover your life being unrecognizably different in the course of a couple of months?

Let's see...since I last blogged...the sequence has been something like (since the word hectic in my book doesn't necessarily mean anything with a deadline but mainly unpleasant activity..read shopping...):
Phase I
hectic activity (shopping, planning, packing)...mumbai-jodhpur...being greeted by a row of vehicles announcing it...repeated collapsing from the waist up (that which denotes respect)...dressing up...being fed...papparazzi'esque flashbulbs popping...more dressing up...song-and-dance (think movies with their own 4-letter abbreviations)...sis and friends own rendition of 'the big fat malayali wedding' (they called it that!)...dancing (gasp..yes!)...being fed...more collapsing...dressing up (wearing things i could barely pronounce!)...20 back-breaking (for the horse) minutes...seeing my staid mallu relatives tearing up the dance-floor...camera-gazing...sit...later...much later...more stand-walk-sit...no more single!...the taj umed bhavan palace...bloody brilliant!...more dressing up...posing...being fed...hectic activity...goodbyes...jodhpur-mumbai

Phase II
hectic activity (shopping, planning, packing)...more planning...mumbai-trivandrum...being fed...dressing up...repeat from above (deduct dancing and horse)...more pictures...hectic activity...goodbyes...trivandrum-mumbai

Phase III
hectic activity (can you believe it!)...mumbai-s'pore-sydney...baggage-handler "rt here maaite"...I'm home!...4 points sheraton...view of darling harbour...brilliant weather...camera goes kaput...grrr...being fed err..no...eating...greyhound sydney-canberra-melbourne...the rydges...chinatown...university of melbourne...bubble tea (ok s..wipe that grin off your face..i liked it)...adult bookstores...deli..kangaroo on the menu..err..i'll stick with the other meat thank you...regular bookstores...tram ride (ticketless!)...bronze sculpture of lillee in delivery stride...the MCG! that thing welling up inside wasn't my breakfast...NOW i'm home!...rent-a-car...the great ocean road...2-lane winding highway just for the views...drive back through Yarra valley...back to sydney...last-minute tickets for Spiderman 3...eating...sydney-s'pore-mumbai

Phase IV
married life...thats another post...but.... in thick musclebound austrian accent.."i'm back"...

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Free Wireless Broadband Internet!

The next disruptive redefinition of the internet age has happened. And who might it be but good ol' Google. Having recognised that with the revenue-generation capability of their flagship Youtube and the increasing proliferation of dynamic bandwidth-heavy content, its time that accessing the world-wide web had to become as common as turning on the water-taps. Also with different ISPs getting cute by denying access to users who used up a lot of bandwidth, its about time that they be 'disintermediated' (love that word).

And when Google does things, they go all the way, offering fiber-optic cables to setup your own routers at home to then have wi-fi access all over the house. This means speeds over 10x the regular DSL connection. With a simple-to-use start-up kit for every average-joe to be their own ISP. Gonna send tremors through the cyber-world. Manna from heaven for internet users, especially with the two package options to pick in addition to the free package.

THE BASICS : http://www.google.com/tisp/

THE INSTALL PROCESS : http://www.google.com/tisp/install.html

THE FAQ : http://www.google.com/tisp/faq.html

Red letter day this, April 1st 2007

Technorati tags: news, strategy

Live TV!

Kingfisher just pushed the envelope of competition for full-service passengers by introducing a feature I've never heard of as being available anywhere around the world! Live TV beamed to your console on the aircraft! I hadn't been too impressed by their move to introduce video screens because the idea of watching a tired collection of recorded snippets did not excite me, particularly since any domestic flight is only going to last about an hour or so and with the meal-service, it didn't seem like you needed any additional distractions. I'd resorted to tuning into 'Kingfisher Radio' with a respectable collection of 70s and 80s rock, but that too had started getting repetitive. But this time around, the screens sported an orange sticker that said "Live tv by Dish TV". I wasn't sure what this meant, but flipping through the channels, lo and behold, the first over of the West Indies V New Zealand, LIVE! Was one of the shortest flightest I've been on.

This sure gives Jet Airways something to chew on, given that they have added video screens to the business class section? (not sure though). Given that replicating the move would be costly and also be seen as a copy-cat move, what would be a fitting response (without dropping fares)? more elaborate meal options? more attendants at the airport? more flexible pricing? or maybe internet connectivity on flights (but that might be just as costly)?

I don't see too many options available to them given that they can't do much about ensuring timeliness of the flights. It will also depend on whether kingfisher chooses to hike its prices (this could be tricky since not many would be willing to pay extra for some channel-surfing) or maintains status quo (the more likely option). One thing is for sure, on lean days, given a choice, most people will choose the airline that offers more frills unless the competition offers a substantial price discount. What Kingfisher is doing can't be bad for the industry though, it would only serve to more clearly segment the full-service versus the low-cost. Would make for interesting observation to watch for Jet's response.

p.s: Of the 10 odd screens that were in my eye-line, each of those chose to tune into some form of bollywood gibberish than watch Brian Lara bat. A nation of cricket-lovers indeed...pfft!

Technorati tags: opinion, airlines, strategy

Chappelli rules

The first Super-8 match is halfway through and the defending champions have scored a very defendable 322. No, this is not another world-cup match review post. That the channel remained on Setmax was purely function of the fact that i had left the remote more than arms-length away. Left me open to the inane chatter of Mandira Bedi and Charu Sharma, but an unexpected bonus was that instead of the nonsensical Ayaz Memon, it was Ian Chappell on air. I've always been floored by the insightful comments the man makes. Not surprising why he was one of the best captains to've played for Australia. And sure enough, some points to ponder from the 2nd best commentator I've heard (1st being Benaud):

"When a spinner beats a batsman as completely as Samuels did to Hayden on that occasion, the ball simply has to land in the park, else there's something wrong"

A reference to the quality of bats today that have much more wood but are not as packed/compressed (resulting in more distribution and therefore being easier to lift). A Hayden miscue off Samuels after he beat the batsman in flight ended up looping over the long-on fence. With the disruptive improvements in bats today, even badly timed shots go a long way. If administrators do not take this into consideration, spinners will become extinct.

"Shaun Tait is a handy weapon to have but as captain you have to realise that he will either bowl really well or will be very expensive (never in between). Also, his action will invariably result in injuries over his career."

While the rest of the world Oohs and Aahs over the pace that Tait generates, Chappelli gives the captain's assessment. Looking at his action that depends so much on his final stride with the extreme stress he puts on his back and front leg, one sees what he means

"Administrators need to consider bringing back the use of the 2-piece cricket ball to counter the heavier bats today"

The conventional cricket ball today consists of 4 pieces sewn together as opposed to 2 halves in 'days of yore'. This results in a softer ball that loses shape and therefore does less in the air. The decision was made decades ago to let bats survive longer. However, to counter the growing domination of bats, maybe its time to bring the harder balls back. Another interesting point was how the size of golf balls was increased so they wouldn't travel as far with the improvement in club technology.

Was a welcome change to have the two dimwit hosts completely incapable of contributing and therefore silent. If only there was a way to air-brush them out of the picture too.

Technorati tags: blah, world cup

to whomsoever it may concern

This post is in response to a comment on my previous post. The comment in question explains why Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar should retire as of March 26th 2007. I figured Blogger comment sections would have their word limits, so I decided to make a post out of this one...

Now, not a lot needs to be said abt the character of someone who can reel of arguments but cannot be brought to put his name to them. while i do not have the luxury of having fantasy and imagination on my side, i shall attempt to respond to your points ANONYMOUS.

Anon #1 : DIGNITY = no business acumen (anon apparently does not like the food that these establishments serve)

me : so you dont like the bhindi, quite a problem that, i hate it myself...am sure the man himself would apologise to you for having hog-tied you to take you to his restaurant and having force-fed you. dude..its ok to exercise that thing called freedom of choice.

On an unrelated note, heard of the 'Air-Jordan' series? or 'Shaqnosis' by the same company? or the George Foreman grill? or Canon S3 powershot by Sharapova? or ...well you get the idea. Have brand, will endorse...while am sure a restaurant chain titled with your name would draw crowds, it might've made more business sense the way its been done? just maybe?

Anon #2 : perfection...chipped f****** nail...london...responsibility means playing when injured. manjrekar is god! he's short (lol..this is priceless)

me : firstly, i shall persuade him to apologise to you for being short.

I'm no doc, but i think chipped nail and tennis elbow are not necessarily the same thing. i wonder if you'd been told that he chose to play in spite of not being 100% fit how nice you'd have been to him.

Manjrekar...hmmm...ex-wonderboy of indian cricket...the best technique they said...was india's best batsman (until the man in question came along)...achieved 10% of his 'potential'..now makes his living giving sound bytes...wonder why he would say anything controversial...beats me?

Bubka and Armstrong - Phenomenal athletes in individual sports..individual glory. Shaq? takes him gazillion dollars to don a uniform, let alone step on court. do you really want to go there?

A lesson on cricket rules; you can continue playing a game even if injured, and you can bat with a bandaged jaw. Its slightly harder with an injured arm. The innings against Pak (in Chennai) with an injured back might not prove anything, or it might say everything that needs to be, of course, the fact that 6 players could not rustle up 14 runs is totally his fault.

Anon #3 : forget past performances and focus on last innings especially if its a failure

me : i can see how a hundred here would be better than the 35000 international runs. doesn't really matter that he scored 40% of the teams runs. you were actually watching this one, so how dare he fail! your most valid point after the one about him being short

Anon #4 : Anon scored well in high-school, inference, sachin should have scored a hundred against SL

me : i tried but i keep convulsing with laughter at this point. ok, try a simple test, gather all the people you can find and have them stand around you while you type your response to my response. the number of times you'll hit backspace will prove my point about how performing under the gaze of millions is sliiiightly different than you acing your finals. and yeah, some of those games that he performed in, for example the 98 against Pak in 2003 might have been more than 'intermediates'

Anon #5 : respect for those praying for his elbow

me : praying for his elbow indeed. that might've been out of the goodness of our countrymen's hearts, or maybe..just maybe, the tendency to play the perennial victim, waiting for the saviour to come score the runs and get us a victory, because they know, on their own, they will manage exactly zilch as they go through life.

As for your assessment of his capability, i agree it might carry more weight than what the likes of Richie Benaud, Ian Chappell etc say about him, but pardon me for going with the other group.

Final (or maybe semi-final) word : Your references to the likes of 'The King' and Chappell aren't inaccurate, but how many of their failures did you ever see? How would you rate Viv Richards shot in the '83 final that cost them the cup? Do you realise that had it not been that shot, WI would've made it 3-in-a-row?

Grace? The guy was the first certified cheater in the history of the game (read an account of his placing the bails back after being bowled and asking the bowler to continue).

As far as passion and promise go, even your vivid imagination would have trouble seeing a listless Tendulkar on the field of play.

Oh, by the way, I don't give a rat's ass about how your EPL fans react to losses.

Technorati tags: sachin, sports

burn baby burn...

It's only fair. I think its fitting that the cover page of the Hindustan Times and the Times of India showed angry fans burning/blackening posters of Sachin Tendulkar. It's perfectly understandable that similar such fans grouped together and went to the Tendulkar residence and turned off the electricity mains to his apartment after he got out for nought in the crunch game against Sri Lanka. Thanks to every news channel for showing scrolling sms's and emails from angry fans about how a bunch of "overpaid individuals interested only in making money" have let the nation down.

Serves the whole bunch of 'em right, especially Sachin Tendulkar. He should've known. He should've known when he first appeared on the test team as a 17 year old. He certainly should've have had an inkling when he stroked a hundred at Perth or when he set about redefining the term 'opening batsman' in one-day international cricket by going after the new ball in New Zealand. Over the years, he stubbornly refused to learn from the zillions of opportunities. Each time he set about dominating attacks or playing rear-guard on foreign pitches. Each time he raised his bat for having completed triple figures. Each time that opposition captains and their bowlers huddled together to work out ways to dismiss him and celebrated like the match was won when his was the first and only wicket to have fallen. He cannot feign ignorance when that 'hard-as-steel' veteran Steve Waugh said in his post-match interview that "We were beaten by a better player" (and not team). Not only that, he even had the audacity to exhibit his love for the game, I mean, how dumb do you have to be to celebrate a direct-hit runout as wildly as you celebrate a ton? oh, and especially when the throw wasn't even yours?! Ridiculous!

Just because he was born with a rare combination of talent and temperament that will most likely never be seen again for several generations, he can't just ignore the fact that his performances are the closest that, millions of people come, to a sense of achievement. He might claim in his defence that he is only a sportsman and only went out to give his best and that the rest  was never under his control, but that would be indeed weak. That it was unfair for spectators (and of that category, we have hordes) to shirk the responsibility of their own ambitions and need for fulfillment, and to tack it to the blade with MRF printed on it. He might plead that rarely have sportsmen maintained superlatives levels of performance for the duration of time that he has. What of his debt to the millions of this nation who, bereft of ability or temperament, will never amount to anything in the duration of their existence? He owes those teeming masses who will live their lives in utter mediocrity never having the opportunity to taste success for themselves. He owes them big.

As for the other 14, several of whom might've first picked up a bat because of the person discussed above, who are currently wondering about the physical safety of themselves and their families. For Rahul, Zaheer, Ajit, Sehwag and co. The teeming blue billion have extracted the ultimate pound of flesh. Never again will they enjoy a game of cricket like they must've when they first picked up a bat or a ball. For they will now, more than ever, realise that this country does not understand the concept of competition or sportsmanship.

Sachin Tendulkar and the rest should be ashamed to be Indian. I know I am.

 

Technorati tags: sports, world cup, sachin, rant

India V Sri Lanka - preview

If you believe the Sports pages of most dailies, certain key match-ups determine the fate of a cricket match. Hence, we are likely to see 'Sehwag v/s Malinga', 'Murali v/s Sachin', 'Agarkar v/s Jayasurya' and so on and so forth as being the deciders for India. Good reading aside, how can these 'head-to-head's be the deciding factors when their occurrence in themselves is a function of probability?

BOWLING

If bowling first, anything in excess of 230 at the Queen's Park Oval is trouble. This is because of 3 reasons:

1. Chasing under pressure is the worst situation to be in cricket
2. India are not a good chasing side (inspite of the long list of successful run-chases, those were in bilateral series)
3. Sri Lanka's strength is its middle-overs slow bowlers adept at choking oppositions

That SL will score big if their openers; Tharanga and Sanath bat undefeated for 20 overs is not open to debate. However, India's vulnerabilities have usually been against the '2nd wave' - about the time that the opening bowlers complete their spells and the 3rd and 4th bowlers come on. These don't even have to be part-timers, even with genuine bowlers, we tend to let the intensity subside and the opposition to play their way. This period, unhappily for India, coincides with the time that their best batsman, Sangakarra, is likely to be at the crease. In conjunction with Silva and Arnold, he could take the game away.

STRATEGY

• Be flexible and sharp while ringing in bowling changes. Change the opening bowlers after 3-4 overs each (unless wickets are tumbling) and keep to short spells to not let the batsmen settle
• Consider delaying power plays if under attack and take them immediately after wickets fall
• Bounce 'em! (every couple of overs) Barring Sangakarra, they do not like it short. This warrants getting Sreesanth in at the expense of a spinner.

BATTING

If chasing, it will need two of the top three to play a big one. If batting first however, the typical Indian innings shows a spirited charge in the first 15 followed by a lethargic stroll from 16 - 40. The Lankan bowlers get better with dot balls and soon the trickle of runs goes dry. Our weakness lays in giving too much respect to the likes of Vaas and the disinterest in quick running when a combination of Sehwag, Ganguly, Yuvraj are at the crease.

STRATEGY

• Do not go in with pre-conceived defensive intent against any bowler, particularly Vaas and Murali. Play the bowling rather than the bowler and show intent with aggressive running
• Reassess target totals every 5 overs and change gear accordingly. Something we fail miserably at.
• Run scoring against the Lankans gets more difficult as the innings progresses, so go in thinking about scoring 60% of the runs in the first 25 overs 

BOTTOMLINE : Arm-chair analysis rules!

Technorati tags: world cup, sports, cricket

Advertising World Cup

Friday is India's "Do-or-Die" encounter against Sri Lanka and the match has just the right amount of tantalizing lead-ups to it to make it an advertiser's delight. If we could get access to security camera footage from some of the biggest corporates in the world, it would be funny to see company chiefs fervently praying for a victory to the team representing one of their largest markets. And it doesn't matter who're official sponsors, pretty much all the usual suspects will be rooting for team India come friday.

Akin to an assignment we had in Advertising class, I noted some of the ads on display in an hour of cricket and then rated them on memorability on a scale of low-medium-high. I excluded brands on players' clothing and equipment since they vary by teams.

TV Commercials: Pepsi, Nike, Hutch, Reliance Comm, Airtel, BSNL, Videocon, LG, Sansui, ITC, Nokia, Gopal supari, Mcdowells, Dainik Jagran, Daikin, Gillette, The Mobile Store, Maruti, Thomas Cook, Hero Honda, TVS, Sprite

On-field placements : Hutch, Hero Honda, LG, Pepsi, Visa, Gatorade

On-screen placements : Hutch, 99acres.com, ITC, Western Union, monster.com, Union Bank, Nokia

LOW

The ads with lowest impact are unsurprisingly the on-screen and on-field placements due to their static nature. However, out of those the on-screen placements vary in impact depending on when they appear. 99acres.com and Western Union would lose out to monster.com and Union Bank, the difference being the former are shown during live action and the latter during action replays. I figure a viewer would be more likely to notice a logo on screen during a slow-motion sequence and not be as irritated with it as during live play

MEDIUM

The TV commercials without too many repeat airings would be in the middle, although some ads like Airtel stay in mind inspite of being infrequent. I would rate the Gatorade on-field ad to be in this category simply because it would be compelling for spectators at the ground while sitting under the sweltering hot sun. It would be a crime for expensive commercials to fall in this category since at the end of the day, the viewer might just confuse your ad with a competitor's

HIGH

Finally, the ones that stay determined by a function of number of times they're aired. But a boring ad falling in this category would just irritate viewers (like Videocon, Sansui, Gillette). On the other hand, Nike, Airtel, Sprite have made ads that have repeat viewability.

THE WINNER

The most ubiquitous brand hands down, in my opinion, is Hutch. The catchy SML plan ads (of which there are several versions) combined with the distinctive on-field logos and billboards. Add to that the free publicity from the acquisition bid, and we have a clear winner.

Technorati tags: world cup, advertising, blah

f***wits

Appalling...spineless...petulant! The first two words would've been seen with increasing regularity since the time Bangladesh scored their winning runs against India, but not the last one. That's because I'm referring, not to the 12 who represented India in the game, but the millions of 'supporters' who have been 'wronged'.

1. Portly housewives wearing pads over their sarees as they beat up pictures of Dravid and co.
2. Mobs in various parts of the country burning effigies representing the 'villains'
   
3. Other mobs pelting stones at players' houses
4. Politicians, beurocrats, BCCI administrators condemning the performance and demanding redress

Just who in F***'s name do we think we are?! Somewhere in the process of the game gaining its astronomic popularity and its players becoming household names, every tom, dick and harry in our populous country thinks he has part ownership of the Indian cricket team. Its like each person believes that its our magnanimity that allows each of those 11 individuals to be out on the field. That they perform for our entertainment.

What the f***wits don't understand is that its a sport, not a bullshit reality tv show where every line is scripted to pander to their tastes. In sport, you go out, give it your best and look to play better than your opposition on the day. While the best sporting encounters are when there are two teams playing at their best, that, often is not the case.

Did the Indian team play at their best? Not by a huge margin. Did they try like mad? HELL YEAH! The same f***wits might point out that this was against a team that has been the traditional punching bag for every heavyweight. Fact is, if you blank out the names on the backs of their shirts, and monochrome the video, you'd have a hard time figuring out what team this was. They might be brought back down to earth by the Lankans, but on that day, they were near flawless in their efforts.

They're sportsmen and must be hurting from that defeat and in a perfect world, their response would be to launch themselves at their next opponent to give them a memorable cricketing lesson. But when the l'il shits back home are stoning your homes, you can't help but wonder if they'll just show everyone the middle finger on live television and walk off the field. With all the afficionados of the game that we have, it shouldn't be a big deal to replace all of them with better players, should it? Or maybe the f***wit response will be to show their rabid competitiveness by going online and voting to eject some pseudo-celebrity off a f***wit show.

World Cup flashbacks

World cup 2007 starts off today and its hard to miss with every instrument of the media targetting the event in its spotlight. Got me thinking of the world cups that I've experienced.

1992 - Australia/New Zealand
My first world cup and what a start! The bold coloured clothing, the catchy theme song that played before every game that ended with "...who'll rule the world...just see...who'll rule the world" followed by a graphic of a ball smashing into a set of stumps followed by the match of the day. The round-robin format meant each team every other team and I thought India was the unluckiest team of the tournament. We lost to Australia by 1 run (after the rain rule had deducted 3 overs and 1 run from our run-chase), to England by a slim margin, our game against Sri Lanka (minnows then) was washed out. Couldn't have been worse than what South Africa faced though, needing 21 from 13 balls in their semi-final against England, the rain intervened, the equation was revised to 21 off 1 ball...just like that! I remember thinking only cricket, working out result combinations on the back of my notebooks in school while the teacher droned on. My booster dose of cricket.

Unforgettable moment : Jadeja's diving one-handed catch in the outfield to dismiss Allan Border. Was later judged as the catch of the tournament.

1996 - India/Pakistan/Sri Lanka
The lamest world-cup of the lot that was timed just right so that it was at the same time as my 'career-determining exams', the HSC (the ones that determine whether you go become a doctor, an engineer or a nothing)...don't look so surprised, thats how 'conventional wisdom' worked in those days. I do know I would have spent a lot more time studying had it not been for the cricket circus. Missed a few of the other games for obvious reasons, but saw all of India's games. It all ended with the farce at Eden Gardens against Sri Lanka. The disappointment wasn't helped by my results a couple of months later and the dismay of not getting into the city's best engineering college. Forgettable times indeed.

Unforgettable moment : Aamir Sohail spanks two consecutive fours off Venkatesh Prasad and for good measure gestures to the bowler where he'll hit the next one through. Next ball, Prasad knocks back Sohail's off-stump. Crowd goes mad...literally. First (and only) time I used the f-word in the presence of my parents. India wins!

1999 - England/Ireland/Holland
They preponed the world cup so it wouldn't clash with the Olympics! Somehow cricket in the land of its origin has always been a mouth-watering prospect for me, but the event was a bit of a let down in the quality of games. Mostly ordinary performances by India, an exception being the assault on Sri Lanka at Taunton. Felt like sweet ol' revenge for having knocked us out of the previous edition. There were 2 games that stay in memory. The 2 Australia-South Africa clashes with the famed drop by Herschelle gibbs resulting in Australia qualifying for the semi-final. There they played the best game ever in a world cup.. The final was academic with the champions steamrolling Pakistan

Unforgettable moment : Defending a huge total, Australia seemed home and dry when they had taken key South African tickets when 'the' Lance Klusener launched one of the most savage counter-attacks in world-cup history. With 9 needed off the last over (a tie would see Austalia through), it was still in Australia's favour. But Damien Fleming had his first 2 deliveries smashed to the cover fence. With 1 needed off 4 balls, Klusener played out 2 dots followed by the worst communication mishap on a cricket field resulting in Donald getting runout with no bat in hand. Match tied. Austalia qualify for the final.

2003 - South Africa/Zimbabwe/Kenya
India's best world cup with near perfect performances against the likes of New Zealand and England. Its not often mentioned that this was thanks in part to Dr Ali Bacher for preparing flat concrete tracks for our batsmen to flourish. A Tendulkar master-class against Pakistan set up the perfect final. But then they ran into that automaton of brilliance and professionalism. You had to feel bad for our boys as each of their over-eager efforts were dissected with surgical precision by Ponting and co.The game was over by lunch and the deserving team won it without breaking into a sweat thus showing there was daylight between them and the rest.

Unforgettable moment : 'That' over, when Sachin reminded the world what he was all about. I've written about it too many times to repeat here...so refer here

Coffee Day & Night

My first weekend in several that wasn't sandwiched between flights into and out of two of the worst cities on the road-traffic map and I still ended up sitting for over 10 hours in seats with limited legroom and that recline just enough to crack the knee-caps of the person sitting behind. I even straightened my seat when I saw our destination approach!

Travelled to a town called chickmagalore, in karnataka where two good friends decided to inflict their wedding on us. Ok, am kidding (lest they ever chance to come upon this post), its the most charming little place with its coffee plantations and restaurants that serve unedible food. Cafe Coffee Day, the next victim in line for Starbucks grows its stuff here as was evidenced by the outlet serving its wares in a town where not one individual would pay as much for an entire meal as CCD charges for its coffees.They'll love me for my gift though, called "Its (mainly) his fault" a guide to marital bliss that ensures less nagging and more sex. Am quite proud of that one.

Anyone who's taken a long trip on this country's highways, knows how its really a game of russian roulette to go whizzing along lanes that have been strategically built to be wide enough to accomodate 1.85 buses side-by-side. Actually its more like a stand-off in the old west where the quicker hand to the dipper gets to thunder on while the vanquished must sidle to the side and...gasp...brake! Of course, not having qualified referees or for that matter even unqualified ones means that often there is genuine confusion on who 'high-beamed' first. I cannot for a moment imagine that the drivers of these mammoth vehicles have anything but fairness in their hearts, so it must be the actual belief that it was he who won the duel. Needless to say, this means several last fraction maneuvers that would leave Bond in his Aston-Martins to shame. Its a pity paint manufacturers have refined their processes enough to not make their products any thicker, else they'd be getting a repeat purchase every time a trip was completed.

All said, a fun weekend, and to know I do not wake up at 4am tomorrow...almost makes me look forward to the beginning of the week...i said almost.

The art of profitability - Adrian Slywotzky

Written in teacher – disciple style, the book is a series of meetings between Steve Gardner, in his first job in the strategic planning function at a company that’s going downhill, and a veteran of the business world, David Zhao, consultant to the top-brass of several companies. The oriental last name of the teacher is a none-too-subtle parallel to Sun Tzu’s ‘The art of war’, which is a quoted a few times in the book. Over the course of 23 meetings (all held on Saturday mornings in Zhao’s office), they discuss different profit models successfully employed by companies.

There are 23 profit models discussed in the book. While that seems overwhelming, the book does not delve into the intricacies. I found some of the models; like Customer Solution Profit, to be simplistic. However, a few of the models are handy to have an idea about and while the examples help drive home the point, a few more would have helped. The models are also not mutually exclusive and I found it hard to distinguish between a few of them.

All said, the book is a light read and fitting for when one's waiting for the boarding announcement.

hostage

We get hijacked every weekend. Its the same story...every time...it usually happens as we're washing down the remains of a wholesome breakfast...well ok...brunch. Begins sedately enough...with a phone call. Then just as we get into the car, it happens...he comes out of nowhere, mumbling in a strange dialect...into the earpiece dangling from his ear. Not a pause in his ongoing conversation, as he makes his demands with a quickly barked order directing us along one of the several roundabouts in the area. We travel in silence for a few minutes, barring his hushed tones, as we approach one of his several hideouts. He signals us to stop the car. His accomplice joins him and we're quickly bundled into steel cages not unlike metal coffins but a lot like elevators. A quick rundown of the layout follows, summary of the view thats a combination of the hills and roads swathed in an industrial haze. This routine repeats itself for about 4 - 5 hours during which time the octogenarian population of the locality would start to wonder if they were seeing the same black swift over and over again and they would be right. Looking for apartments in the city...what a pain!

To top that, this weekend saw a city-wide power outage just as we had escaped with our lives, dusty and tired...hoping to find refuge in the climate-controlled confines if one of the myriad halls showing 'em moving pictures. With all operations at a stand-still, our search led us deeper into the suburbs...only to find darkened hulks of concrete structures watching over ribbons of light streaming from hundreds of headlights. Our perseverance paid off as our last hope blazed in the distance. Sure, all available self-generated power was being redirected from the air-conditioning to the lights but it was better than nothing. A leisurely supper spent considering our options apart from one of the few buildings with power in the city when the escalators resume their humming and we settle into watching that piece of cinematic brilliance 'The Ghost-Rider'. Sean Penn had mentioned it when Con-Air was released, but Nicolas Cage's descent into truly main-stream pulp is well and truly certified by this one. The surest sign though that the evening was looking up came just then...and how! Coz, after all..."The greatest battle lies within"...Spiderman 3...4th May '07

placements 2007

The 3rd week of february has got to be without doubt that time of the year when the ISB is at its worst. Stress, insecurity and self-doubt hit record highs and there is a nervous tension in the air that would need nothing less than a chainsaw to cut through. Slight deficiencies in EQ all but completely overwhelm way-above-average IQs into having otherwise level-headed individuals fervently hunting for shortlists, even for jobs that they couldn't care less about. Sanity takes a sabbatical as the evil twins (not the ones in the Coors commercials)...brand and CTC wreak havoc on peoples equilibriums as the desperation to find that role that can be appropriately flaunted (to ex-colleagues and friends) for fear of being asked the question...about why the expected quantum leap on both fronts ended up seemingly as a stuttering step?

Was there for placements and needless to say, being on the other side of the panel was a revelation...to see one after the other individual...sporting impressive CVs...but for those few minutes, concerned about making an impression and trying just that bit too hard. Been there, done all of that, got the t-shirt and yesterday, got the helicopter view as well. Finally made 5 offers, which is substantial for a firm this size. More importantly, hoped to have atleast conveyed that none of those designation/company combinations were the 'be and end-all' and that things were only getting started for each individual of the batch of 2007

And even with the high level of stress and the higher pulse-rates of all the impeccably dressed individuals out there, the ISB environment, even at its theoretical worst... what an environment to be in!

question

Saw a search result leading to my post that said "worry-list" posted on Jan 01 2006. funny topic for the first post of the year i thought but then my posts have seldom made sense, even to me.

flashforward a year, give a month and.... pre-placement jitters and feeble placement prep long done, offers evaluated, agonized over, almost rejected then accepted, a blur that was the final term, lots of bleary-eyed nostalgia over what was going to be missed. the decision to switch tracks, lots of second-guessing. finding what you've not been looking for but have seeked in the most unexpected manner. suddenly two-month planning horizons don't cut it...or don't they? lot of questions about the kind of job that i can sink my teeth into still remain unanswered...but maybe simplified to an extent...am thinking its going to be an ongoing process...like the reduction of something radioactive...no, not in that unnecessarily explosive way like in WWI

catching up with batchmates and even total strangers is a revelation..into my my own thought process...the moment where you swap visiting cards and they look at yours and look up with a puzzled expression. theirs bears a logo that needs no introduction, has as many in their HR dept (annexe) for their western region operations as there are people in your organisation. you know the name on your visiting card is not going to be jockeying for a slot on Day 0 come placement week. neither is that reverence going to make itself apparent in the junior's voices when you tell them what you've done with yourself since graduating.

so, does it matter? and if it doesn't, why would it occupy an entire train of thought? funny. on closer inspection, you're now in a firm that traditionally never hired from the top-tier schools in the country. part of their 'low-cost management consulting model'. 7 months and another ISB-ian later, they've signed up to hire from ISB, for the first time. the opportunity to have a telling impact on an organisation and its workings awaits. not cut-and-dried by any means...but the opportunity is there.

the sixty-four million dollar question is, how strong will that urge to send out email from a domain thats known in all inhabited continents be? answers awaited...

game, set, match

Disclaimer: All characters and events in the following are factual. Any resemblance to any person living or dead, is thoroughly intentional.

They say you never forget your first time...that it only leaves you craving for more. I mean its fair to say that you've arrived in the socio-economic scheme of things when you have...say...the proverbial flashbulbs popping everytime you step out of...well...anywhere really. or lets say when you have adoring masses clamour for any sign of having been withing touching distance of you. yes...its a heady feeling alright...they say (you might've noticed they say quite a few things...but then...they can be quite garrulous)...back to what they say, that you never forget the time you sign your first autograph.

So it shall be with me, 30th Jan 2007, the 'Kabab-e-bahaar' restaurant at the Taj Banjara in hyderabad. Just as I let the the juicy kabab flood my mouth with the most unbelievable flavours (who would've guessed a joint by that name served mind-blowing kababs) that a l'il kid, maybe 12 years old walks up to our table, notepad and pen in hand, earnest expression on his face, says "Sir, can you please sign your autograph for me...Mr. Mahesh Bhupati?"

Those moments where the nerves connecting your grey matter to your speech functions absolutely refuse to cooperate...not that they're flooded with traffic at the best of times in my case, but here's a case where the heart was willing but the rest...no go! Finally...explained how I was in my 'non-celebrity' avatar...and sent the fan on his way...